First, I appreciate anyone who would take the time to help me and advise me. SORRY ABOUT THE LENGTH, I just have to talk about all this. I am really becoming increasingly worried about my husband and I just don't know how to help him. He is losing faith, trust, and any help from the Army and the state with his current condition and issue. He is so upset about what is happening with his career and is now also losing any desire he has to continue going to his mental health appointments. He is trying so hard, but this is breaking his heart and tells me he doesn't feel like a good man or husband because he can't fully support me financially and he blames himself for my loss of pregnancy. He says that if he didn't put so much stress on me because of his issues and loss of income I wouldn't have lost the child. I know it's not his fault and I tell him that all the time, but I see in his eyes he feels he is responsible. He used to be so happy, outgoing, and everyone loved to be around him. Now, he is afraid to go out (he thinks someone will hurt me or us), doesn't talk to his friends because he's embarrassed, and he doesn't smile anymore, and doesn't look people in the eyes when he talks. It's hard to explain but if you knew him before, that would tell you everything. He can't sleep and barely speaks unless I constantly talk to him or force him to. I'm worried about him and I want to help, but I don't know too much about the Army. I will tell a little bit about what happened to him and I admit I am doing this without his knowledge because I don't know what else to do.
He used to work full-time for the Guard and he worked so many hours. He loved his job and I read his reports or job evaluations and he always had high marks like 3 top ones and it said "promote now and that he takes responsibility for his actions and that of his soldiers, whether positive or negative. He puts soldiers first, always before himself and that the Army Values are his morals." The last two years had statements like that which is all I saw. He has struggled since he got back from deployment, it's been over 4 years now. He has fought through it and a lot of people didn't even know. He hid it pretty well but he couldn't hide the nightmares and the things that happened while he was sleeping. I also saw him have 4, what his doctor finally called, "seizure disorder without epilepsy." Sorry if I am not saying the right things, I am just reading his paperwork. He told me that they have been going on for awhile (doesn't elaborate) but he didn't want to upset me so he tried his best to hide it. He was crying very bad when he talked to me about it because he said it would ruin his career and he loves the Army. He said it happens about 2-3 times every 2 weeks and that he can sometimes feel it coming on, but last time I saw it he urinated himself and was shaking and banging his head for a little more than a minute. He was on the ground outside a gas station after he fell from it. It was something I never want to see or have him go through again. He played it off like he was fine after about 30 minutes (he takes time to fully come back with vision, speech, movement, etc) even though his head was bleeding, of course.
He had been diagnosed with PTSD and depression since 2010 (I didn't know that then as he seemed happy, we didn't know each other before he went to Iraq) but things go progressively worse and then very very bad. He started asking for help from his higher ups, but they ignored him and one called him a P-word in front of me when I requested the meeting. Eventually I had to move out for a bit because his dreams were so violent, he was raising his voice to me and cursing (not at me but in front of me), he was cutting himself (but wouldn't check into a hospital; he said he worked in one early in his career and he knows how NCO's who ask for help and/or hurt themselves are treated) and he never did those things before. He said he would rather be in pain everyday than have me worry one day about our mortgage. I felt horrible for leaving him but I couldn't get through to him any other way. Gosh I still feel horrible for it. I couldn't call someone in his chain because he would have never forgave me and I know he would have gone over the edge if his career was in jeopardy. I know that because he eventually did. After about 4 months of asking for help and having his appts. cancelled on him or being forced to miss them because of duty, he called me and just said he was sorry for the pain he caused me, my dreams of having a family, and to tell my mother and his mother he loved them. I knew he was alone at our house as I was still staying with my parents. I called everyone I knew and flew to our house. I was able to get to him in time but when I found him he was hiding from me in the closet and I convinced him to go to the ER. He had 23 cuts on his arms, chest, and shoulders and the shotgun was in the bath-tub with different color ammo around it (don't know why the tub or the different colors). He told the ER (military not civilian) that he had cut himself to see if he could still feel pain. He said he felt numb before that. He did really well in the treatment and was released with a positive outlook. He was diagnosed again with all kinds of stuff and the doctors still wanted his command to keep on eye on him for suicidal "triggers" or behavior and told to keep him out of situations with a lot of risk of anxiety or stress. He had a surgery 2 weeks after he was released (it had been planned for 7 months and it was his 4th on the same shoulder since he got back from Iraq. He was doing a little better, he said that for the first time he felt like the doctor's and the military wanted him to get better. However, that didn't last long and his boss and Major started saying he was disrespectful, didn't follow their orders or those of his doctor's ( which is crazy because he tried everything and volunteered to be an inpatient for however long they wanted). I had moved back in by now because he asked for help and that's all I wanted for him, and for him to be a little happy again. He kept being threatened to be fired from A.G.R (which I don't understand how they can fire someone from the military). Especially because he was fired while he was still under treatment and his diagnosis had not been completed by all doc's. It was even recommended by his treatment "team" at the hospital to his command, that they keep him on active orders and send him to a PTSD place out of state, which his command said no. He was accused of having substance problems, which he never took anything but his medicine (I know because I either picked up the medicine or drove him there). They accused him of failing a test even though he had a prescription for it. It upset him so bad, he even stopped taking his medicine because of this before he was supposed to stop (2 and a half weeks early) and I watched him struggle so bad, but he said he didn't care and would rather feel like he was hit by a car everyday than ever risk taking one more pain med again. I called a group to help spouses of veterans and eventually I found out that he can't get in trouble for pain meds after surgery as long as he had a script and didn't abuse them. Ok, this is getting way too long and I'm sorry to everyone but I will try and sum it up quick.
Now, I am worried about his safety again. Last year he had his NCO (higher person) come to our house and I sat there with them. The guy had papers which said that they were recommending my husband for a board to kick him out for a General discharge for misconduct and a pattern of it. My husband was hysterically crying because he had already been fired and didn't understand why they said he was AWOL if he was fired. He couldn't stop crying and he had a seizure within minutes of the guy leaving. I made a copy of the paperwork while my husband was resting (his episodes really take it out of him). I found out about 2 months later what he wrote in the paperwork. He wrote he had begged for help for suicidal thoughts for months from his command and he was begging for help again. He also said he was scared of hurting himself again like last time. I wish I would have read the paperwork that day but I was more concerned with helping him after his seizure, then he filed it away very fast. I made a copy just so my husband had one because the NCO said he couldn't give him a copy that day and that worried my husband. After 3 days my husband had called everyone he could to find out why he was accused of being awol, who he could talk to, and he said he was scared of being arrested. He attempted suicide the next day. He has been through treatment and he is doing better and he is trying so hard to just feel better and be able to sleep. I am not worried he will hurt himself right now because he promised me he doesn't want to upset me anymore and he is not a liar. He is a good man and a good soldier.
Now he is being recommended for an Other than Honorable discharge for the same things instead of a General, actually other things have been added to the new documents even though he hasn't even talked to any of the people he used to work for.They just keep asking him to sign the waiver and then when he doesn't they throw more acquisitions about him even though he is not in their unit and has no contact with them. They set a board date for him, say his only option is to sign for a general discharge under honor. This is now the 3rd different board paper he has received and it's been over 12 months since he was told they were going to separate him. Every board paper has more stuff on it and they make it sound so much worse every time. I think they are trying to scare him into signing that paper but him and I know that he did not do those things. All he does is worry about this and now he can't even get an appointment with his treatment team ( I think because of the new Non-Honorable recommendation). He was supposed to be with an MEB team or something, but now the State won't do anything to move forward with that. His psychiatrist recommended him and got approval for an MEB is what happened. I made a call to the one person I know and he emailed me what he called a REG and it said that with the National Guard if an Other than Honorable discharge is recommended through the Admin board than the MEB stops. He told me that he thinks that is why they sent a new board Memo out that was no longer recommending a General Discharge under Honorable conditions, but I don't understand a lot of this stuff.
I guess the questions I have are....
1. How can they keep sending my husband new Separation paperwork which always accuses him of worse, if he hasn't talked to any of them, done anything wrong, or that new evidence hasn't been found?
2. Why didn't they help him out when he said he was scared of hurting himself last year? I know that if I had a co-worker say anything like that I would have to legally and morally do something to help.
3. How could they fire him while he was still so messed up and not listen to his doctor's request to keep him on duty so he could get help. Also, I found emails from his MAJ that while he was in military psychiatric care (still locked in the hospital, I just don't want to say the name) that said once he was released they had plenty of paperwork ready to counsel him so they could terminate him.
4. When the doctors told his higher ups and put it in writing not to stress him out/yell at him or call him a F-up anymore and watch that he doesn't hurt himself....why did they call him into their office twice as much, counsel him more, and threaten his career and full-time job.
5. Why did his MEB stop, he begged his doctor's not to start that thing but they said they had to ( I was with him) because he was a liability when he was in the military and he would be best regarding his health out because of his PTSD, anxiety, and seizures.
6. Who can we talk to to prove that the things they are saying are not true, we have proof. example they said he never followed up about his referrals and healthcare for his shoulder therefor he violated a direct order from the doctor at the MTF (who is a civilian), when we have the MRI's, x-ray's, appts, and surgery paperwork
7. My husband knows he needs help again mentally and we/he is willing to do whatever his doctors think is best (he even said he would check in for a year if it meant he could make me as happy as he used to again) but he can't do that until he knows that someone will help him fight this. He has a Congress thing done and ready to submit, an IG thing as well, and binders full of research...we/he just know that JAG doesn't care and they are with the State, not my husband.
Please, even if you only have 2 sentences to write....help me help him. He loves the military still, and I don't know how after I have watched what they have done to him and said about him. He says not to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. But if someone can't help us, my husband will lose all he is proud of for what he did for this country. I want him to be as proud of himself as I am of him and I want him to respect himself as much as I do. Thank you all for listening and I was able to stop crying by the end of this so thank you for letting me talk about all this. I look forward to hearing very soon and I will check back many times a day. This is our last option.
He used to work full-time for the Guard and he worked so many hours. He loved his job and I read his reports or job evaluations and he always had high marks like 3 top ones and it said "promote now and that he takes responsibility for his actions and that of his soldiers, whether positive or negative. He puts soldiers first, always before himself and that the Army Values are his morals." The last two years had statements like that which is all I saw. He has struggled since he got back from deployment, it's been over 4 years now. He has fought through it and a lot of people didn't even know. He hid it pretty well but he couldn't hide the nightmares and the things that happened while he was sleeping. I also saw him have 4, what his doctor finally called, "seizure disorder without epilepsy." Sorry if I am not saying the right things, I am just reading his paperwork. He told me that they have been going on for awhile (doesn't elaborate) but he didn't want to upset me so he tried his best to hide it. He was crying very bad when he talked to me about it because he said it would ruin his career and he loves the Army. He said it happens about 2-3 times every 2 weeks and that he can sometimes feel it coming on, but last time I saw it he urinated himself and was shaking and banging his head for a little more than a minute. He was on the ground outside a gas station after he fell from it. It was something I never want to see or have him go through again. He played it off like he was fine after about 30 minutes (he takes time to fully come back with vision, speech, movement, etc) even though his head was bleeding, of course.
He had been diagnosed with PTSD and depression since 2010 (I didn't know that then as he seemed happy, we didn't know each other before he went to Iraq) but things go progressively worse and then very very bad. He started asking for help from his higher ups, but they ignored him and one called him a P-word in front of me when I requested the meeting. Eventually I had to move out for a bit because his dreams were so violent, he was raising his voice to me and cursing (not at me but in front of me), he was cutting himself (but wouldn't check into a hospital; he said he worked in one early in his career and he knows how NCO's who ask for help and/or hurt themselves are treated) and he never did those things before. He said he would rather be in pain everyday than have me worry one day about our mortgage. I felt horrible for leaving him but I couldn't get through to him any other way. Gosh I still feel horrible for it. I couldn't call someone in his chain because he would have never forgave me and I know he would have gone over the edge if his career was in jeopardy. I know that because he eventually did. After about 4 months of asking for help and having his appts. cancelled on him or being forced to miss them because of duty, he called me and just said he was sorry for the pain he caused me, my dreams of having a family, and to tell my mother and his mother he loved them. I knew he was alone at our house as I was still staying with my parents. I called everyone I knew and flew to our house. I was able to get to him in time but when I found him he was hiding from me in the closet and I convinced him to go to the ER. He had 23 cuts on his arms, chest, and shoulders and the shotgun was in the bath-tub with different color ammo around it (don't know why the tub or the different colors). He told the ER (military not civilian) that he had cut himself to see if he could still feel pain. He said he felt numb before that. He did really well in the treatment and was released with a positive outlook. He was diagnosed again with all kinds of stuff and the doctors still wanted his command to keep on eye on him for suicidal "triggers" or behavior and told to keep him out of situations with a lot of risk of anxiety or stress. He had a surgery 2 weeks after he was released (it had been planned for 7 months and it was his 4th on the same shoulder since he got back from Iraq. He was doing a little better, he said that for the first time he felt like the doctor's and the military wanted him to get better. However, that didn't last long and his boss and Major started saying he was disrespectful, didn't follow their orders or those of his doctor's ( which is crazy because he tried everything and volunteered to be an inpatient for however long they wanted). I had moved back in by now because he asked for help and that's all I wanted for him, and for him to be a little happy again. He kept being threatened to be fired from A.G.R (which I don't understand how they can fire someone from the military). Especially because he was fired while he was still under treatment and his diagnosis had not been completed by all doc's. It was even recommended by his treatment "team" at the hospital to his command, that they keep him on active orders and send him to a PTSD place out of state, which his command said no. He was accused of having substance problems, which he never took anything but his medicine (I know because I either picked up the medicine or drove him there). They accused him of failing a test even though he had a prescription for it. It upset him so bad, he even stopped taking his medicine because of this before he was supposed to stop (2 and a half weeks early) and I watched him struggle so bad, but he said he didn't care and would rather feel like he was hit by a car everyday than ever risk taking one more pain med again. I called a group to help spouses of veterans and eventually I found out that he can't get in trouble for pain meds after surgery as long as he had a script and didn't abuse them. Ok, this is getting way too long and I'm sorry to everyone but I will try and sum it up quick.
Now, I am worried about his safety again. Last year he had his NCO (higher person) come to our house and I sat there with them. The guy had papers which said that they were recommending my husband for a board to kick him out for a General discharge for misconduct and a pattern of it. My husband was hysterically crying because he had already been fired and didn't understand why they said he was AWOL if he was fired. He couldn't stop crying and he had a seizure within minutes of the guy leaving. I made a copy of the paperwork while my husband was resting (his episodes really take it out of him). I found out about 2 months later what he wrote in the paperwork. He wrote he had begged for help for suicidal thoughts for months from his command and he was begging for help again. He also said he was scared of hurting himself again like last time. I wish I would have read the paperwork that day but I was more concerned with helping him after his seizure, then he filed it away very fast. I made a copy just so my husband had one because the NCO said he couldn't give him a copy that day and that worried my husband. After 3 days my husband had called everyone he could to find out why he was accused of being awol, who he could talk to, and he said he was scared of being arrested. He attempted suicide the next day. He has been through treatment and he is doing better and he is trying so hard to just feel better and be able to sleep. I am not worried he will hurt himself right now because he promised me he doesn't want to upset me anymore and he is not a liar. He is a good man and a good soldier.
Now he is being recommended for an Other than Honorable discharge for the same things instead of a General, actually other things have been added to the new documents even though he hasn't even talked to any of the people he used to work for.They just keep asking him to sign the waiver and then when he doesn't they throw more acquisitions about him even though he is not in their unit and has no contact with them. They set a board date for him, say his only option is to sign for a general discharge under honor. This is now the 3rd different board paper he has received and it's been over 12 months since he was told they were going to separate him. Every board paper has more stuff on it and they make it sound so much worse every time. I think they are trying to scare him into signing that paper but him and I know that he did not do those things. All he does is worry about this and now he can't even get an appointment with his treatment team ( I think because of the new Non-Honorable recommendation). He was supposed to be with an MEB team or something, but now the State won't do anything to move forward with that. His psychiatrist recommended him and got approval for an MEB is what happened. I made a call to the one person I know and he emailed me what he called a REG and it said that with the National Guard if an Other than Honorable discharge is recommended through the Admin board than the MEB stops. He told me that he thinks that is why they sent a new board Memo out that was no longer recommending a General Discharge under Honorable conditions, but I don't understand a lot of this stuff.
I guess the questions I have are....
1. How can they keep sending my husband new Separation paperwork which always accuses him of worse, if he hasn't talked to any of them, done anything wrong, or that new evidence hasn't been found?
2. Why didn't they help him out when he said he was scared of hurting himself last year? I know that if I had a co-worker say anything like that I would have to legally and morally do something to help.
3. How could they fire him while he was still so messed up and not listen to his doctor's request to keep him on duty so he could get help. Also, I found emails from his MAJ that while he was in military psychiatric care (still locked in the hospital, I just don't want to say the name) that said once he was released they had plenty of paperwork ready to counsel him so they could terminate him.
4. When the doctors told his higher ups and put it in writing not to stress him out/yell at him or call him a F-up anymore and watch that he doesn't hurt himself....why did they call him into their office twice as much, counsel him more, and threaten his career and full-time job.
5. Why did his MEB stop, he begged his doctor's not to start that thing but they said they had to ( I was with him) because he was a liability when he was in the military and he would be best regarding his health out because of his PTSD, anxiety, and seizures.
6. Who can we talk to to prove that the things they are saying are not true, we have proof. example they said he never followed up about his referrals and healthcare for his shoulder therefor he violated a direct order from the doctor at the MTF (who is a civilian), when we have the MRI's, x-ray's, appts, and surgery paperwork
7. My husband knows he needs help again mentally and we/he is willing to do whatever his doctors think is best (he even said he would check in for a year if it meant he could make me as happy as he used to again) but he can't do that until he knows that someone will help him fight this. He has a Congress thing done and ready to submit, an IG thing as well, and binders full of research...we/he just know that JAG doesn't care and they are with the State, not my husband.
Please, even if you only have 2 sentences to write....help me help him. He loves the military still, and I don't know how after I have watched what they have done to him and said about him. He says not to let a few bad apples spoil the bunch. But if someone can't help us, my husband will lose all he is proud of for what he did for this country. I want him to be as proud of himself as I am of him and I want him to respect himself as much as I do. Thank you all for listening and I was able to stop crying by the end of this so thank you for letting me talk about all this. I look forward to hearing very soon and I will check back many times a day. This is our last option.
