Huntingdog...Sorry to hear of your pain. I understand you are in a catch 22 all the way around. The deal with the surgery is that everyone responds differently...and because you know how much pain and disability you can tolerate...it is a very personal decision....docs are gonna look at how much physical therapy you've had, additional physical ailments (overall health), your age, are you at a healthy weight, etc...all these things and more can affect the outcome of the surgery. Some people with fusions do GREAT! Others not so much. Some people have herniations with little pain-and others with a little herniation feel like that want to die! So when you do see the neuro guy-you guys decide whether or not you need surgery...now, or later. You asked if you will be "made to have the surgery"...I don't think "they" can make you have surgery but I don't know. Maybe a moderator will chime in and respond to that one. I'm not a surgical candidate so I haven't had to deal with that aspect. BTW, as far as exercise goes with bad backs...well-I've been through it all & there have been times when I couldn't move. So, I totally understand...I started by asking for warm water pool therapy. Now, ...I've kept my weight in check by walking two slow 20-30 minute walks a day...( I started walking in the water..warm water pool-just walking and some light weight arm stuff...I could only crawl on land!) You don't have to do FULL blown cardio-just keep moving to burn calories...I say this as a professional-Not only was I medical, but my degree is exercise science and I'm certified in lifestyle management, personal training, etc. Just try to eat healthy, more chkn and fish, a little less red meat, add more greens and veggies, watch your beverage choices, etc...hit the hot springs & relax best you can! Stress will cause you to keep weight on/gain weight. Oh...and new articles show that modified Pilates can REDUCE all types of back pain...something to talk to your physical therapist about. I know this isn't much...but just wanted to say you're not alone...one step at a time. They'll start the med board...its hard to be patient, but this is a bit of a process. Take care and good luck with everything.