defending my position

C

Chinook

PEB Forum Regular Member
PEB Forum Veteran
I was just confronted by someone I know....I thought was a friend, but obviously isn't.

The person said that I should be working and not taking money from taxpayers. I spent an hour defending my position...I will never waste my time on a conversation like that again.

He said he knew someone who didn't have a leg-who was working.....

Well, maybe if my injury and disability was so forthright..I wouldn't be questioned..or maybe I still would be by "these" type of people...

I haven't been able to answer questions on Jasons forum for a while. I don't feel that I'm neutral enough. I feel, maybe what this guy felt about me...that I see so many people taking advantage of "the system". I'm frustrated to see questions about people who want to know "how much can I get?"...when, all I want to know...is when will I have a pain free day....when will my feet stop turning black and purple. When will I stop seeing my legs dimple from nerve impulses...when will I stop having pain when I walk, sleep or breathe....and when will I get off my 40% tdrl.....
I walk everyday, I do home exercise...I'm due to go back into physical therapy again next week. "they" think I need a new hip, they want a back stimulator implanted...they know that won't "fix" me, but it should help.

I'm in a Masters of Human Movement school program. I take this through correspondence. As I sit in my chair, my feet turn cold and purple. I have my computer situated so that I can prop my feet on my wall...until my feet turn white again...but they stay cold.....

The guy said..."you go to school...you can work"....I'm getting my masters so I can work from home...I can't even comfortably drive. Everytime I push the accelerator of my car, I have pain shoot through my calf, my thigh, over my hip and into my back. And truth be told...I never lived above my means...and my bills are covered...I don't even have to work-its my belief to always give and to always make something of yourself.....

I know in my heart this guy is just ignorant and young...but, if I lived without my legs...then would people leave me alone...and let me heal and move forward....as I'm doing...I don't wallow on my couch eating potato chips and drinking soda pop. I have watched my food. I walk in the water. I do what I can....

I'm so tired of defending my position....
 
I'm currently serving in the Nat'l Guard and have over 16 years of combined Active/Guard service time and am waiting to see if I'll be medically retired or not! I'm 30% Service-Connected and have been wearing metal hindged knee braces on both legs since 1994 and every couple of years I go to the VA and get new ones and I hurt 24/7 and I'm only 43 years old! It does hurt when someone makes comments like that to you! Keep your head up and know that other Disabled Veterans have gone thru the same thing! Me Too! Just be proud that you had the guts to serve and those that redicule are the one's too chicken to serve! God Bless!
 
Hello Spc Hartwick,

Thank you for your comments....I just think that this put me over the edge that I'd been tilting on for a while. I had an appt with my doctor recently and told her that I had finally gotten past having to defend myself...hahahaha...I would say that I was a little premature! I don't quite have that down yet! Sorry to hear of your personal situation. Thank you for sharing...and for reminding me to be proud...funny, this guy is a civilian-no military service but his twin is in the navy...I'm sure his twin has a different take on all of this. But, it just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. This is my life. I am trying to live my life to the fullest. I will not whine or act sicker than I am just to get a higher rating (which in my case would be justified), because then I ulitimately lose out on life. My life is not defined by my rating or the amount of money I end up with through disability or retirement...My life is defined by who I really am, my ethics, morals, and my honor. I was just SO upset.....I didn't mean to dog on anyone else in my tantrum...and by no means do I feel sorry for myself. I know there are others out there with their own "things"....and I've always said, I know others have it worse. Well, guess what, as true as that is, I have my own crap to go through too and its not been anything nice. So, I'm giving myself a break-for once. Admitting that I'm not superwoman...I'm human. Thanks again for the cheering up...hope you get your case settled soon and that you aren't in too much pain. Thank you for serving. Thank you for your reply...I'm good now. ( :
 
Amen to all i've read here. I've grown tired of defending my position and at first i was concerned about the $$ questions. I was worried that there are many trying to "get over" on Uncle Sam...lol, but as I thought about it, Uncle Sam has created this monster and should deal with it. If they can't come up with an accurate and thorough system of determining service related disabilities then there are going to be a few scammers that are going to check out with a few years in and a retirement check or disability rating. The rest get caught in the mix and have to do our best to ensure our rights are secure. I'm more worried now after having played down any medical issues i've had in order to prevent an MEB from happening that now I'll be discharged after 15 years without a retirement or benefits for my family. My MEB was generated because I've had profiles for PT, I'm still passing my PT test but under the exemptions on my profile.
 
The way I see it, I've got enough in life to worry about than to let people like that bother me. I don't dignify them with a logical response to their argument, and they usually don't last to long. I either interrupt them by changing the subject completely ("I think people like you are dirt bags and are just stealing money from tax payers, what do you think about that?" "I was watching a movie last night ..." start describing the plot of the movie in a round about way that they initially think you are going to respond to them.) or by talking to someone else (...what do you think about that?" "Hey Sam, did you see that movie last night? It was awesome"). Another method I've used is to glaringly lock eyes with them without saying a word. They will get antsy after a few seconds and either change the subject themselves, or walk away (works better if you have intimidating size or personality). The best thing to do (causes less conflict/tension in case you have to interact with them on a regular basis) is to just ignore it and walk away yourself. My mom always told me "If you don't have anything nice to say to someone, punch them in the face..." er...maybe that's not quite right ...
 
Hi lewisjohn,

Pleasure meeting you...Sorry to hear of the things you have going on and hope you have positive resolve shortly. I really appreciate your words and and WELL SAID! You are so right about Uncle Sam creating the monster, I hadn't thought of it that way, but so true! ...you know, its sad -some people have integrity and honor until the end, and some don't. I will just worry about keeping my things in order and prepare for the fight to secure my rights....I will need Jason when this all comes to the end, because the NARSUM the board gets, and all the supporting documentation doesn't always paint the correct picture-and the guys sitting in those sits are making assumptions based on what they read. The book needs to be spelled out like to a 3rd grader. I learned this through my tdrl re-evaluation. What a joke! And I was more than prepared. For you, you are in a tough position...confront the things that you've been on profile for and ensure you will meet at least that 30%...then get the other things listed and documented...even though the board may find you fit on those items, they'll be recorded and you can go through the VA and get rated on them. Keep me / us posted...again, I wish you the best!
 
hey there adair,

LMAO! haha, thats what my sister said! My mom says I have to be a lady....I think I'm going to find something that fits in-between. Yea, I know I shouldn't let it get to me and I surely appreciate your words....

I did end up going to Behavior Health...for the first time. My TRICARE doctor encouraged me..hahah...
Peterson AFB has a pretty good set up-an initial appt right there in the clinic and psych lady talks to you to see where you should go next.

When I met her and started talking to her about everything....she looked at me and said that she couldn't believe how well I looked physically. She said she read my medical report and notes and thought that I was going to be one of those depressed, low functioning injured (physically and emotionally) members.

Then we started talking-my background in nursing/emt/med tech, personal training, aquatic instructor and exercise and health sciences degree-fitness was my way of life! I know how I want to live my life. I've spent a ton of money (charged a lot of money...hahaha) with a doctor of oriental medicine, I walk everyday, and I go to the hot springs pool....I'm not fixed, but I'm doing my best to keep what I've got...good!
I explained to her the "event"....and I explained that I usually meditate over such things and can move past them...but this was different.
She explained to me that I need to give myself approval...that its ok to be where I am now-and that I earned my benefits. I was vested. She worded it a bit different-but after a good cry, I felt better and I know that I'm still worthy...etc....

I talked about my philosophy about getting up each day, getting in that shower, getting dressed and getting to my activities of daily living (just like we use to tell our patients)...my job now, instead of getting up and going to the hospital, or field hospital to work is to work on healing. So each day I embrace and work on me. Its a dynamic process; not one day is the same. Sometimes I hurt more and I change things up to accomodate. Sometimes I feel great (my level of great) and thank my God.

The counselor said that she would love for me to come speak at her pain management classes! She said I was doing great and she wishes more people could adopt these types of attitudes. I look forward to speaking at the classes and I hope I can encourage more people to engage in the positive and do what they can to better their situations. I was blessed-to come from a medical and fitness background: I know the questions to ask the doctors, I know alternative methods of physical fitness and health and know how to apply them.

What I need to work on is getting thicker skinned like you ( : , LOL and just cutting myself some slack...I've always been toughest on myself...I deserve to give myself a break...and as of today forward-thanks to you I'm writing this out...I AM. My life is my own and I am doing awesome!

Thanks mpadair00!
 
Chinook, I am sorry you had to defend your position to a person who will obviously not consider walking a mile in your boots (and you obviously cannot walk a mile). I will tell you though, as someone who may be going through an MEB soon, that at this point in this journey, I am worried and wondering about "how much I will get". I have bills, I have a family, and if I lose my career, which seems likely, that stuff does matter. It makes me sad that I might have to defend that position to you or anyone else on this forum. It's not about how much I will get, it is about how much I deserve. I have given up my life for this country just as surely had I died in Iraq.

I have invisible wounds, PTSD, MDD, back issues and migraines. Lucky me, all wounds that no one can see. I have been waging an internal war to stay in until I reach 20 years active. (I have 25 years in national guard, 16 active). I don't know if I can win that war, I am currently on convalescent leave searching for a third inpatient program that might work. I have back and leg pain all the time, I spiral deeper and deeper into depressive episodes, and the PTSD symptoms, dear god, I won't even go there.

There are some who will look at me and say "there is nothing wrong with her." There are some who will judge me because they cannot see my pain. I wish I did not have to deal with this. I wish I could still be a "real" Soldier. I wish I could live a "normal" life, but that doesn't look like it is going to happen.

I would just say that you should show yourself the compassion you deserve (easier said than done) and also try not to judge those folks that want to know how much they will get anymore than you want to be judged for not being able to work. Of course there are some who are jerks just trying to suck off the system, and that will always be the case, but we are all in this journey together, and just because some people want to know where they will stand financially, doesn't mean they don't have a disability.

I wish you well.

Michelle
 
I don't have a lot of insight to offer with dealing with the pain that so many of you go through. My disabilities rated by the VA are relatively minor and I have been blessed with good health, a few issues aside. But, I did want to comment on the view that wounded warriors/disabled servicemembers are milking the system. This is a substantive response; it does not help much with dealing with ignorant people who just see things one way and don't have an open mind. Nor does it help much with dealing with the drain of having to deal with these folks. That said....

The benefits that disabled military members are entitled to are set by Congress. The same way that active duty pay and allowances are set. To me, that makes the question of whether military members "deserve" this entitlement a pure matter of opinion. The military is subordinate to civilian leaders and in our system, Congress passes the laws. So, any question about what benefits people are due is nothing more than a policy disagreement. However, when it is a military member who fails to execute their duty (both generally, in taking care of those who are subordinates or, specifically, by not accurately and expeditiously doing things such as acting on LODs or writing accurate assessments of members), they are guilty of a crime. I don't care if it is a Sergeant, a Captain, a Colonel or a General. They are required to follow the law, have sworn to do so and a failure to do so is an affront to their oaths and the law.

Now, as to policy choices of the compensation due...it is a valid issue to question and examine if the current compensation is the "correct" policy choice. Some basic facts that underpin the current system come into play. A civilian worker at a private company has Worker's Compensation to cover work related disabilities. They often have insurance coverage for additional levels of disability. This is a key point. There is no private insurance available to military members for disability (I am excepting, of course, TGSLI or SGLI, but that is a benefit paid for by members and only available by virtue of the provision of this through laws and regulations...so it is not really a private insurance). I would also point out that the disability compensation system for civilian federal workers, under FERS, is much more generous. Civilians, if "unfit" and regardless of any "rating" (their system does not use a rating), they are given 60% of their pay (including housing allowances) the first year, 40% every year thereafter until age 62, when they receive their regular retirement as if they had never stopped working. They also maintain their medical insurance coverage throughout. As a matter of policy, does it make sense that every "unfit" federal civilian employee gets automatically more entitlement to compensation than a military member with a below the knee amputation? I don't think so. There are a great many policy choices made that I could say are completely unfair when you compare them to military disability compensation. Does it make sense that we spend nearly a trillion dollars to bail out banks and then accuse disabled military members as milking the system? Let's see- the banks caused their own problems, took advantage of weak regulations, profited to the tune of hundreds of billions and are rewarded for bad behavior. Military members? They did their duty and were injured in the line of duty. I think the policy choices here are hard to justify. But, they have been made and they are the law.

This is the way I look at it. Congress sets the laws. Period. Congress has said that those military members who qualify should be paid according to the law. This is not much different than the process used to set regular pay and allowances. Bottom line, the opinion of some folks aside, no member of the military has a right to deviate from what Congress says disabled military are entitled to. If we had that choice, I would question the payment of full pay to many military members who fail to properly execute their duties and take care of those in their charge.

No one should feel shame for being injured in the line of duty. And doubly so, no one should feel shame for getting paid what they are due.
 
Oh, I have one other comment on "fakers." I think I probably have a better insight on this than most anyone. There have been two distinct periods of my representation of disabled military members. The first was as an active duty JAG. What is noteworthy about this time was that I had no real choice of whether to accept a client or not. So, I had the full range of cases, from very meritorious to pretty weak. During this time I represented roughly 200 members at the PEB. I had only one client that I suspected strongly was trying to "game" the system and get benefits that they were not entitled to receive.

The second period has been over the past 4 years as a civilian. While I don't keep an exact headcount, I have been involved in some way or another with roughly an additional 200-300 cases. Again, I have seen only one case where I was not sure about the validity or sincerity of the person's claims (in that case, there were numerous claims that were clearly valid...and others that were not so clear).

Note that this is a difference between than someone who is just faking and someone with a marginal or weak case who still tries to convince the PEB that they are entitled to more. The first situation, not being based on the members actual disabilities, is premised on fraud. The second is simply going through the system to see what that system says you are entitled to. That is why you have a system in the first place- to make decisions about entitlements.

The takeaway from all of this is that I believe the rate of "fraud" is much, much lower than people may suspect. I think, taken in context with the very common issue of members not getting what they deserve due, mainly, from poorly done MEB's, makes fraud a negligible issue in this system (I also think the low rates of fraud have to do with the difficulty inherent in that based on "checks and balances" in the system, risk of prosecution, and the financial motivation for continued service that members have. I also would not discount the fact that most members going through the process know so little about it that they would not know how to game the system if they wanted to). Bottom line, I think fraud is not a significant issue in the DES.
 
I too understand this argument as my injuries are invisible ones, soft tissue and mental (PTSD). I get the accusations of faking and "milking the system". One of the members in my unit was yelling BOOM BOOM at me when I walked out of a restaurant trying to get a response. I have pointed out several times how when a system works against a member that is just how the system works. However, when the member learns how the system works and is able to get it to work favorably it is considered milking or faking. The few friends I still have in my unit inform me of how senior management brings me up in conversation in a negative way just because I can no longer perform my job and have been on MEDCON orders for a while. I have brought this up several times to my PCM and Therapist. I sometimes believe that those with visible injuries in a way have it easier than those with invisible injuries because their integrity is not questioned or called a faker or liar. I have offered to let some see my x-rays, MRI, and surgical notes just to get them to shut up. I am at the point now where I just ignore them unless I have to speak to them for work purposes.
 
For me, this is the hardest part of this whole process.

Narcolepsy and OCD/Anxiety aren't things you can "see," which leads to leadership assuming I'm either just lazy or "milking it."

After six years of giving my all, the thing I most want from this, is for the people I work for to trust me.
 
The VA rep here stated that some of the people he has seen don't appear to have PTSD. What do people with PTSD look like? I walk around with a smile on my face and happy remarks all day long, its called a front because nobody wants to be around a glummy gus.
 
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